WHEN YOUR NUMBER IS UP!

The sudden and unexpected death of Natasha Richardson has everyone thinking about the fragility of life. During my recent bout with cancer, I certainly pondered this topic - and I kept wondering if I had done all that I was supposed to do. Who decides what we are supposed to do anyway? And - if we put aside all the "suppose tos" and the "shoulds" and the "ought tos" would we finally be free to live in the moment and find that true path that our hearts are always whispering to us about? (When we are quiet enough to listen!)

William Hurt said, "But I am not going to live forever. And the more I know it, the more amazed I am by being here at all." Knowing our mortality can enhance our awe for being alive. But I am beginning to think that the only way to settle into that groove of life where we follow the call of something - SOMEONE - greater than who we are is to renounce the expectations imposed on us by others. Irving Wallace said, "To be one's self and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."

My generation was raised to weigh our actions against the plumb line of "What will people think?" It is a hard habit to break. It affects everything we do - it affects the energy we put out in this world. For example, in writing, I find that I am constantly worrying about what friends, family, even unknown people, will think about ME. Not so much about what I write - but what my writing says about ME. Then, I am super-aware of every word - every letter. Hard to be creative that way.

But what if I broke free from that self-imposed prison? What if I just lived moment by moment trying to be true to my spirit? I think it will take a lot of practice. And, I won't always get it right - but I want to try. If I shock, disappoint, challenge, or perhaps, inspire someone else - then that is living.

Kenny Ausubel said, "Each of us has a spark of life inside us and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another."

If that is our intention moment by moment, day by day - then whenever this life ends - we will have started something that lasts.