TRASH BAGS AND HUMILIATION

Last week the Almighty Oprah did a show about reducing clutter. Actually, I think she is doing a series of shows on this subject, but, I digress. In this episode, she was responding to a couple who wanted help de-cluttering their vehicle. They had two children who were active in several sports - so all their gear was in the car and there was no room for the kids. However, they underestimated the commitment of this wise talk show host. She had their car transported to the studio - just as it was - without them knowing about it. When the curtain opened on that filthy car, those two people looked like they wanted to simply die. For good reason. I have never seen such a mess! It was literally piled to the ceiling with crap, leaving just enough space for one little child in the back seat, one in the front seat and the driver. Oprah smiled triumphantly and handed them trash bags - and told them to clean it up by the end of the show. I have to admit, the combination of trash bags and worldwide public humiliation was probably effective.

It sure worked on me!

I had put off cleaning my van for over a year. In my defense, I didn't have a lot of trash - just some receipts, pennies (which I believe secretly multiply when we are not looking), umbrellas (okay, a LOT of umbrellas), flashlights (I don't know why), and two packages of fossilized cheese crackers. It took about thirty minutes to empty everything. Then, it was off to Car Pool.

Let me say, that somewhere in my twisted southern upbringing, I was raised to believe that men handle anything to do with cars. But, somehow my husband never received that memo - or, if he did, he is choosing to ignore it. So, over the last few years I have been forced to compromise my Scarlett O'Hara values, and do the necessary maintenance things, like oil changes and state inspections, etc. But I still don't like it. The car wash was next on the list of automotive things to conquer. Surprisingly, I discovered that it really wasn't a bad place to be, except for the loud speaker announcing when the cars were finished. I didn't even have to wait in a long line - and when it was over, my van sparkled. I could almost hear it give an audible sigh of relief. And, I did feel better driving in a clean van.

So, I continue to marvel at the power of Oprah to change lives. I slept well last night knowing that if she comes to check on my van - I'm ready for her. But, I get a little queasy just thinking about what will happen if she turns her de-clutter spotlight on my closet. Then, I will be a goner!