WHAT IS IT THEY SAY ABOUT A MESSY DESK?

Okay....my desk isn't quite this bad - but close! I'm not sure how it gets that way. I mean, I routinely go through all the crap and, at least, make neat piles - but before I know it, I barely have room to move my mouse. Hmmmm....move my mouse.....that little phrase would have been really weird 20 years ago - but I digress. That's the way things have been going for me these last few weeks. My thoughts have been jumbled, my life has been stupidly busy, and my desk is as overwhelmed as my mind! So, this weekend was a wonderful jolt back to some sort of organized, purpose-filled reality. This weekend was the annual James River Writer's conference.

I look forward to this event every year and am never disappointed. I learn so much - and I reap so many benefits just by being around other writers and people in the industry. It is energizing, encouraging and always inspiring. It is so much fun to be with people who love the written word. We are a diverse bunch and that diversity is enough to energize the most lethargic writer into recommitting himself (herself?) to the task of actually WRITING! Not just talking about it, thinking about it, agonizing about it, reading about it, feeling guilty about NOT doing it...but actually sitting in front of the keyboard and staring bravely at the blank screen as you make your fingers punch out words.

The conference is tiring - so much crammed into two days, but every minute is worth it. When I finally stretched out in my bed last night, I was so weary my body hurt - but my brain was still percolating with ideas and rehearsing things I had learned. I must say, it was not all serious - believe me - I laughed a lot! But that is just part of having a good time!

So, I've cleared my desk (AGAIN), sent a few necessary emails, pulled out the manuscript of novel #3 that needs to be finished, and stopped by here, so that you loyal readers would know that I am still alive and kicking!

If you are interested in writing and are anywhere near the Richmond area - be sure and attend next year's conference. Just Google James River Writers - and keep watching for info on next year's dates.

INDECENT EXPOSURE

I do not understand this growing trend of public exposure as a fashion statement. It seems like I am faced daily with a vision of some stranger's anatomy that I would rather not see. Not too long ago, the proverbial butt-crack of a plumber was fodder for humor - but now, young men are nearly handicapped by their desire to wear their pants below their butts, and leave them hanging precariously on a wing and a prayer.

It isn't only teenagers who feel this need to feel the air in uncommon places. I was in Starbucks recently, when a rather large, and amply endowed woman, probably in her late twenties sat at a table next to me. She was in imminent danger of experiencing a wardrobe malfunction. Her deep cleavage began at her chin, and she kept bending over, straining the fabric of her minuscule tank top to the absolute maximum level of expansion. This was not a pretty site. She was not "body beautiful" by any means, but it was obvious that she subscribed to the adage "If you've got it, flaunt it." I kept trying to avert my eyes, actually feeling embarrassed on her behalf, but she was in my direct line of sight and one can only stare at the table for so long. Needless to say, I did not enjoy my coffee.

Earlier in the day, I had been to my hair appointment. There was a new stylist working at the station next to mine. In such close quarters, every time I moved my hand, I brushed against her Jennifer Lopez derriere + 40 pounds that she had poured into a too-tight, too-short mini skirt. When I apologized, she laughed and said, "No problem - it happens all the time!" Uh...why didn't she get a clue and admit to herself that perhaps she had gone up a size or two since purchasing that skirt? I must add here, that she also sported a top that displayed her midriff - translation: roll of flab. What are people thinking???

I'll admit, I'm old. I'm as far away from "with it" as one can get. So perhaps I am missing something here. Maybe there is some incredibly liberating sensation to be found in these "in your face" displays. I keep reading and hearing about the troubled girls in Hollywood who make the party rounds without underwear, and I am completely baffled. Don't they feel a draft? When I was a kid, mothers everywhere reminded their children to wear clean underwear in case they were in a car accident. So - what are mothers saying today? Be sure and leave your undies at home? Remember, someone may take your picture?

I guess modesty has become a thing of the past. So, I'll just accept that some people do not feel inclined to keep things under wraps and they will have to accept the fact that I just might have to cover my eyes.

A BONE TO PICK

I have been hearing inaccurate and unfair rumblings of late about what it means to be from the south. The news media has inferred that the despicable crime of dog-fighting (as it pertains to Michael Vick) is just part of southern culture and that Vick didn't realize inhumane treatment of animals was wrong. I find this line of thinking as offensive as racial bigotry. It is not only grossly erroneous, but it reflects the ignorance of people who report this as fact.

I know, I've heard all the jokes that paint us as truck driving rednecks who proudly fly the Confederate flag while whistling Dixie. But nothing could be further from the truth. I have lived in the South all my life, and I have never met anyone who has even been to a dog fight, flown the Confederate flag, or been in a children's beauty pageant (ala Jon Benet). I've never been interested in car racing and bluegrass music does nothing for me. And, I suppose I am growing a bit testy over this still acceptable stereotype that portrays Southern people as stupid, uncultured, hicks who think the only good book ever written other than the Bible was Gone With the Wind.

Our country has become such a conglomeration of cultures - and that is a wonderful thing. There are no clear divides, such as the proverbial Mason Dixon line - we are a people of variety from different countries with different languages and religions. Lumping people together based on where they live and painting them with the same brush is ludicrous, and wrong.

There are still prejudices, I suppose, that have not risen to the level of public revulsion that racial bigotry has, and this stereotypical presentation of the South is one of them. Perhaps we need to change that. Perhaps we need to stop snickering politely when someone tells a redneck joke because it simply perpetuates the acceptance of the inaccuracy. I know Jeff Foxworthy would be out of a job - as would Larry the Cable Guy and all those other comedians, but they have already made millions, so we don't have to worry about them. Perhaps we should stop being so polite when we are insulted. Maybe we should be writing the cable news shows and challenging their remarks. We should be resisting labels of ANY KIND in this country actually.

So - this blog is just one southern gal's way of saying she has had enough. I am happy to be from the South. It is lovely here. There are wonderful, intelligent, interesting people here who are open and progressive, interested in art, music, education and philosophy. If I could change anything about the South - it would be to get rid of the humidity! It plays havoc with my hair!

SHARING THE CREEPY CRAWLIES

Yesterday morning, I settled at the kitchen table, a mug of hot coffee in hand, and began to read the Sunday morning paper. This is one of my favorite things to do every week. The sun was shining nicely in the window; the squirrels were playing on the deck; Sophie, my cat, had claimed a warm patch of sun on the floor to snooze in. All was wonderful, until I turned to page two of the newspaper. There I found a substantial story of a massive spider web in Willspoint, Texas - complete with photo.

The article said there was a "vast web crawling with millions of spiders that is spreading across several acres of a North Texas park. Sheets of web ...thick enough in places to block out the sun." As if that description wasn't enough to give the reader the willies, the article supplied even more detail, such as a "fetid odor, perhaps from the dead insects entwined in the silk" and that the "web whines with the sound of countless mosquitoes and flies trapped in its folds."

EEEEWWWWWW!!!

The web has confounded scientists, who say they have never seen a web of this size outside of the tropics, and even then, something that big would normally take years to build, but this was formed within only a few months. Record breaking rains that have flooded Texas this summer have produced outbreaks of crickets and caterpillars, so they think the rains, MIGHT have something to do with the web, but that is just a guess. They plan on letting the web spread and think it will last until colder weather, when the spiders will die off.

If there was ever a situation that called for DDT, this is it!!! Quick! Someone call Al Gore and find out if this is related to global warming! Believe me, having the threat of being consumed by zillions of spiders would go a long way towards motivating people (ME, in particular) to "go green".

I hate spiders. I know they serve some purpose, but now they seem to have an agenda. World domination, starting in Texas.

And, a special request to Richmond Times Dispatch....please put articles like these on the back of the sports page. I never read that.

Is that too much to ask?