It is hard to believe that yet another tragedy involving animals may take place here in Virginia! First it was the poor Ginter Park beaver - then the Maymont bears...and now some pet deer! For those of you who are not from the area and have not been privy to the news, let me update you on the problem.
A Prince Edward county woman who keeps deer as pets is resisting efforts by state game officials to euthanize her deer for testing for chronic wasting disease. Like testing for rabies, the procedure requires the animal's death before the test can be done. sigh. Important to note here: the deer are showing NO SIGNS OF BEING SICK and there have been no cases of chronic wasting disease in Virginia. The officials seem to be focusing on this group of five pet deer because the woman does not have a permit to keep them. She acquired the 3 fallow deer from the Natural Bridge zoo more than 15 years ago - before permits were required. One of those deer died long ago - and she has the offspring of the other two deer. Also, someone brought her a white-tailed fawn about five years ago after its mother was killed on the highway.
This woman is an obvious animal lover. The deer are kept fenced in - therefore, they are not mingling with wild deer. They are contained - healthy and happy. Officials arrived at her property Wednesday to euthanize them, but when met with TV crews, they left.
I am continually amazed by the workings of our government. Why on earth would they spend time and money on a situation like this one that is obviously not threatening? Why did they rush to euthanize the Maymont bears when they KNEW they did not have rabies? Why did they insist on shooting the Ginter Park beaver instead of relocating it?
We can go on and on....why are there a ton of empty trailers sitting in the mud in New Orleans while people continue to live in tents? Why was so much money misused and misdirected in the efforts to help the Katrina victims? Why can't the government keep better tabs on sexual predators? Bigger issues...why are we in Iraq and why do we keep hoping that we are winning the war? Why are we allies with Saudi Arabia when we know terrorists are trained there? Why are we investing millions of dollars and the lives of our young men to fight a war in Iraq when we ignore the poverty and need in our own country (not just New Orleans - but in almost every state).
Do any of us still believe that if a disaster struck, that our government would help us???? In the paper this morning was an article on Virginia's plans for preperation for a flu pandemic. There really IS no plan. The nation's top health-policy official said yesterday, "We are well-prepared for a natural disaster that is weather-related, but we are not as well prepared for a pandemic." Well...God help us! If what happened in New Orleans is an example of our country being prepared for a weather-related natural disaster, then we are sunk!
But - rest assured. We are safe from beavers, bears in the zoo, and apparently we can all rest easier soon, once the pet deer are destroyed.
I feel better...don't you?
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
THANKSGIVING DAY
Today is my son's birthday. He is 25...and I am reminded that I am 25 years OLDER. Hmmm...not the same!
I have found my mind slipping back to that day so long ago - that day when everything about me and my life changed forever. I remember looking into his eyes for the first time and realizing that I had never known such a sense of belonging and love and with that, came an enormous sense of responsibility. I wanted to be a different kind of parent to him then my parents were to me. (Isn't that true of most of us? AND...I know when the time comes for him to be a parent, he will make the same vow. It is inevitable - there is always room for improvement.) He was nothing but a delight everyday (honest!)- and continues to be a young man that fills me with pride. And - he can still make me laugh like no one else can!
I suppose I sound like an obnoxious doting Mom - but the truth is that when I look back on the last 25 years, most of the memories of days when I was completely happy involve him in some way. They say that parents give and give...but I know that my son has given me more than I can even express. And in many ways, he continues to inspire me to be more - to keep growing - and to remain "ever-young." (Okay...as young as possible!)
He is passionate and caring and authentic. And, in a world where it is so easy to blend with the masses - he continues to be courageously an individual. I like that.
So...today my heart is filled with thanksgiving. And it feels good.
I have found my mind slipping back to that day so long ago - that day when everything about me and my life changed forever. I remember looking into his eyes for the first time and realizing that I had never known such a sense of belonging and love and with that, came an enormous sense of responsibility. I wanted to be a different kind of parent to him then my parents were to me. (Isn't that true of most of us? AND...I know when the time comes for him to be a parent, he will make the same vow. It is inevitable - there is always room for improvement.) He was nothing but a delight everyday (honest!)- and continues to be a young man that fills me with pride. And - he can still make me laugh like no one else can!
I suppose I sound like an obnoxious doting Mom - but the truth is that when I look back on the last 25 years, most of the memories of days when I was completely happy involve him in some way. They say that parents give and give...but I know that my son has given me more than I can even express. And in many ways, he continues to inspire me to be more - to keep growing - and to remain "ever-young." (Okay...as young as possible!)
He is passionate and caring and authentic. And, in a world where it is so easy to blend with the masses - he continues to be courageously an individual. I like that.
So...today my heart is filled with thanksgiving. And it feels good.
Monday, March 20, 2006
YOU MEAN THAT'S NOT IN THE BIBLE??!!!!
When I was growing up, I heard the question "What will people think?" so many times that I was sure it must be written in the Bible somewhere! It was the mantra that guided life. We lived in a small town - and we completely avoided driving down a certain street because the ABC store was located there and someone might THINK we stopped in to purchase alcohol!!! Heaven forbid!
Even though I secretly laughed at this reasoning, I have discovered that I allowed this way of thinking to govern my life more than I would have believed. Especially since I have been in the wheelchair. The ultimate goal of living your life in the light of other people's approval is to pass through unnoticed, drawing neither criticism or praise. Fitting in, I guess. But, once I started rolling through life in the chair, there was no way I could do so WITHOUT drawing attention to myself. That realization escalated the "worry process".
Every time I ventured out into the world, I worried about parking spaces, inclines, opening doors, curb cuts, restrooms, thick carpet, store aisles, credit card machines that are too high for me to use, and the ever-looming question: "Am I in someone's way?" sigh. At first, I would agonize over every possible scenario and try to come up with just how I would handle each problem. That took the joy out of every outing! Many times, I chose NOT to do something - simply because it was easier. I wrestled with the fact that I needed to depend on other people (and of course, that opened up a whole new arena of "What will THEY think?") and frankly, I hated that. (Still do.)
But, I am getting better.
I am learning to ignore this cursed question - even though sometimes it screams in my head - because I don't want to miss anything. I will never be wildly uninhibited - but I believe I am someone who can find humor in everything, and who is becoming more comfortable coloring outside the lines. I still have no desire to fasten a blinking light on my wheelchair and announce to the world that I have arrived...but I can hold my head up high and enjoy all that life has to show me. (Actually - I see a lot of things that people who are standing, miss! I find all the treasures on the lower shelves that they don't notice!)
I never want to miss the "party" because of what someone might think...and I remind myself that the important thing is how you live life - not how you look while doing it!
What will people think? Perhaps they will think it makes perfect sense. If not....who cares!
Even though I secretly laughed at this reasoning, I have discovered that I allowed this way of thinking to govern my life more than I would have believed. Especially since I have been in the wheelchair. The ultimate goal of living your life in the light of other people's approval is to pass through unnoticed, drawing neither criticism or praise. Fitting in, I guess. But, once I started rolling through life in the chair, there was no way I could do so WITHOUT drawing attention to myself. That realization escalated the "worry process".
Every time I ventured out into the world, I worried about parking spaces, inclines, opening doors, curb cuts, restrooms, thick carpet, store aisles, credit card machines that are too high for me to use, and the ever-looming question: "Am I in someone's way?" sigh. At first, I would agonize over every possible scenario and try to come up with just how I would handle each problem. That took the joy out of every outing! Many times, I chose NOT to do something - simply because it was easier. I wrestled with the fact that I needed to depend on other people (and of course, that opened up a whole new arena of "What will THEY think?") and frankly, I hated that. (Still do.)
But, I am getting better.
I am learning to ignore this cursed question - even though sometimes it screams in my head - because I don't want to miss anything. I will never be wildly uninhibited - but I believe I am someone who can find humor in everything, and who is becoming more comfortable coloring outside the lines. I still have no desire to fasten a blinking light on my wheelchair and announce to the world that I have arrived...but I can hold my head up high and enjoy all that life has to show me. (Actually - I see a lot of things that people who are standing, miss! I find all the treasures on the lower shelves that they don't notice!)
I never want to miss the "party" because of what someone might think...and I remind myself that the important thing is how you live life - not how you look while doing it!
What will people think? Perhaps they will think it makes perfect sense. If not....who cares!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
DO I HEAR SINGING?
I have still been thinking about the things I wrote here yesterday. I felt like I was missing something important - and I was. While I really believe it is vital that we pay attention to what is happening in the world, and in our government...in our country...I think there is something else that is even more crucial. We need a reliable filter.
Thoreau said: "In proportion as our inward life fails, we go constantly and desperately to the post office." Okay...a bit dated, I agree. We could substitute "the internet" or "the television" for "the post office." In this time of constant information and stimulation we take less time to simply be still. The Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God." How can we nourish our "inward life" as Thoreau puts it, when we are constantly being bombarded AND bombarding OURSELVES with a saturation of outer stuff?
The news isn't just the news anymore. It is a plethora of opinions ABOUT the news...and we soak it in until we are on overload. I have to make myself stop and decipher what is MY opinion and what is just something I have heard so many times that I accept it as truth.
Do you have quiet moments alone - or are you compelled to fill every second with something outside yourself? There are ipods and cell phones and wireless internet services...all good things in moderation, but they can also be a type of cancer that spreads through your life until there is very little of YOU left.
I have heard it said that the things that make music beautiful are the spaces between the notes...those little beats of silence which allow the ear to really hear and appreciate the melody. Maybe that is what we all need now...to carve out little spaces of silence so that our hearts can really hear the music inside...so that who we are in everyday life is an expression of who we are inside. Whether it is prayer, or meditation or simply silent awareness...whatever puts us in touch with all that is untainted by the outer mess we live in, has to be a good thing.
Be still...and listen. You might hear a beautiful song that belongs to only you and in the serentity of that melody, you can really listen and discern your own truth.
Thoreau said: "In proportion as our inward life fails, we go constantly and desperately to the post office." Okay...a bit dated, I agree. We could substitute "the internet" or "the television" for "the post office." In this time of constant information and stimulation we take less time to simply be still. The Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God." How can we nourish our "inward life" as Thoreau puts it, when we are constantly being bombarded AND bombarding OURSELVES with a saturation of outer stuff?
The news isn't just the news anymore. It is a plethora of opinions ABOUT the news...and we soak it in until we are on overload. I have to make myself stop and decipher what is MY opinion and what is just something I have heard so many times that I accept it as truth.
Do you have quiet moments alone - or are you compelled to fill every second with something outside yourself? There are ipods and cell phones and wireless internet services...all good things in moderation, but they can also be a type of cancer that spreads through your life until there is very little of YOU left.
I have heard it said that the things that make music beautiful are the spaces between the notes...those little beats of silence which allow the ear to really hear and appreciate the melody. Maybe that is what we all need now...to carve out little spaces of silence so that our hearts can really hear the music inside...so that who we are in everyday life is an expression of who we are inside. Whether it is prayer, or meditation or simply silent awareness...whatever puts us in touch with all that is untainted by the outer mess we live in, has to be a good thing.
Be still...and listen. You might hear a beautiful song that belongs to only you and in the serentity of that melody, you can really listen and discern your own truth.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!!!!!
Everytime I read the paper, or turn on the news, I come away disturbed. Really disturbed. Frightened, actually. I never used to feel that way. I can remember when I thought the news was boring. But, the truth was that I had made a decision somewhere along the way not to care.
I read something this morning that clarified my reasoning behind such a ridiculous decision: "It's perfectly safe to stand nowhere." (Ram Dass) That is really the truth. I had lulled myself into a false sense of security by closing my eyes to the politics of the world - of my country. Oh sure - I voted...but I never gave much thought about who I was voting for. I simply voted the party line and then left everything up to whoever won.
But then I began to listen...to read...and once the facts started trickling into my conscious awareness, I could not turn a deaf ear and pretend everything was wonderful. Things are NOT wonderful...and the reality is that I don't know what I can do about it. I watch the war in Iraq unfold daily as we seem to be digging a deep hole that our country will never get out of...I hear the rumblings of ANOTHER possible war with Iran...our national debt keeps creeping up and the civil liberties that I have taken for granted are being chisled away in order to "help win the war against terrorism". sigh. There is the threat of bird flu, anthrax poisoning, oil shortages and smallpox. And - to had insult to injury - there is now an infestation of bed bugs! Good grief, I am no longer safe at the Holiday Inn!!!!
Part of me wants to return to the safety of hiding my head in the sand...but I can't. I am mysteriously drawn to the daily revelations of hard truth. I am vigilant in remaining informed. I am deeply convinced that my government - my country - will be of little use to me if any of these worst-cast scenerios become actuality. One only has to look at the Katrina disaster to know that. So - I am left to the only option for positive action available to me...that is to speak up...to say "No, I don't agree with this...No, things are not okay...No, I will NOT support this anymore." Then, I must find peace inside myself. I have to become acutely aware of the GOOD things in my life and to cling fiercely to those things for a personal sense of hope. And, in that hope, I will find the courage to fling off any blanket of false security and take a stand. I believe that as I do, I will be surprised to see more and more of us speaking out, taking control, becoming a true democracy. At least, that is the "good thought" that I am holding on to today.
I read something this morning that clarified my reasoning behind such a ridiculous decision: "It's perfectly safe to stand nowhere." (Ram Dass) That is really the truth. I had lulled myself into a false sense of security by closing my eyes to the politics of the world - of my country. Oh sure - I voted...but I never gave much thought about who I was voting for. I simply voted the party line and then left everything up to whoever won.
But then I began to listen...to read...and once the facts started trickling into my conscious awareness, I could not turn a deaf ear and pretend everything was wonderful. Things are NOT wonderful...and the reality is that I don't know what I can do about it. I watch the war in Iraq unfold daily as we seem to be digging a deep hole that our country will never get out of...I hear the rumblings of ANOTHER possible war with Iran...our national debt keeps creeping up and the civil liberties that I have taken for granted are being chisled away in order to "help win the war against terrorism". sigh. There is the threat of bird flu, anthrax poisoning, oil shortages and smallpox. And - to had insult to injury - there is now an infestation of bed bugs! Good grief, I am no longer safe at the Holiday Inn!!!!
Part of me wants to return to the safety of hiding my head in the sand...but I can't. I am mysteriously drawn to the daily revelations of hard truth. I am vigilant in remaining informed. I am deeply convinced that my government - my country - will be of little use to me if any of these worst-cast scenerios become actuality. One only has to look at the Katrina disaster to know that. So - I am left to the only option for positive action available to me...that is to speak up...to say "No, I don't agree with this...No, things are not okay...No, I will NOT support this anymore." Then, I must find peace inside myself. I have to become acutely aware of the GOOD things in my life and to cling fiercely to those things for a personal sense of hope. And, in that hope, I will find the courage to fling off any blanket of false security and take a stand. I believe that as I do, I will be surprised to see more and more of us speaking out, taking control, becoming a true democracy. At least, that is the "good thought" that I am holding on to today.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
THE ROAD TO THE GROCERY STORE IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS
I am procrastinating. I have to go to the grocery store - and so, instead, I am writing this blog. I don't know WHY I hate going to the store - I just do. Too many decisions. And - it is a reminder that the entire week waits for me to decide what we are going to eat for dinner. How do I know what we will feel like eating two days from now? I don't even know what we want to eat TONIGHT! So, I wander up and down the aisles and wait for divine inspiration.
I gravitate towards the easy. You know - pre-cooked, nuke-it stuff. I make the excuse that I won't have TIME to really cook TODAY because I had to go to the store, so the microwave crap is the only option. (But it usually TASTES like crap.) sigh. This is a pitiful situation.
The fact that I HATE to cook does not help things. And - I hate to cook because I hate to make decisions and I don't have a crystal ball that enables me to discern what everyone will feel like eating - thus it is a vicious cycle.
I have heard it said that it is not wise to go to the store hungry. Well...if I am not a little hungry, then I simply don't care. ARRRGHHHH!!!! The bottom line is that we are now down to NOTHING in the house...no milk or bread...no mayonnaise (so I can't suggest sandwiches where everyone makes their own!)...so I must go.
Besides, procrastination is not helping me since I am writing about the thing I don't want to do.
Sigh.
So, off I go. Ready to wander the store in desperation as I search for the answers to the unknown. I did make a list of essentials - I just have to remember to TAKE it! Simply too much responsibility!
I gravitate towards the easy. You know - pre-cooked, nuke-it stuff. I make the excuse that I won't have TIME to really cook TODAY because I had to go to the store, so the microwave crap is the only option. (But it usually TASTES like crap.) sigh. This is a pitiful situation.
The fact that I HATE to cook does not help things. And - I hate to cook because I hate to make decisions and I don't have a crystal ball that enables me to discern what everyone will feel like eating - thus it is a vicious cycle.
I have heard it said that it is not wise to go to the store hungry. Well...if I am not a little hungry, then I simply don't care. ARRRGHHHH!!!! The bottom line is that we are now down to NOTHING in the house...no milk or bread...no mayonnaise (so I can't suggest sandwiches where everyone makes their own!)...so I must go.
Besides, procrastination is not helping me since I am writing about the thing I don't want to do.
Sigh.
So, off I go. Ready to wander the store in desperation as I search for the answers to the unknown. I did make a list of essentials - I just have to remember to TAKE it! Simply too much responsibility!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
A WHOLE LOT OF SHAKING GOING ON!
Okay...I shook things up a bit and changed the look of this blog. The "mostly all white" background was simply too boring! And, I couldn't have that!
Finally finished jumping through all the hoops in order to publish my book. Now I just have to wait and fret over how to market it!!! Those of you who know me, realize that I am a champion fretter!!! The details involved in completing the process have consumed me for a few weeks...but I just faxed my last form and I am finished. Finished...uh...well...I hope I am just beginning!!!
So - I am off to enjoy my Sunday afternoon nap. I leave you with a quote from the calendar that sits on my desk: "The highest form of ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about." I like that.
Finally finished jumping through all the hoops in order to publish my book. Now I just have to wait and fret over how to market it!!! Those of you who know me, realize that I am a champion fretter!!! The details involved in completing the process have consumed me for a few weeks...but I just faxed my last form and I am finished. Finished...uh...well...I hope I am just beginning!!!
So - I am off to enjoy my Sunday afternoon nap. I leave you with a quote from the calendar that sits on my desk: "The highest form of ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about." I like that.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
WHO KNOWS HOW THE STORY ENDS?
I am one of those people who read the end of the book first. I like to know just how everything is going to work out before I have really started. Unfortunately, life usually does not unfold like that. At least, mine doesn't. I'm not much of a risk taker - because I am afraid of failure. So, I try to do EVERYTHING I can to minimize risks - or anything that even remotely resembles a risk.
NEWS FLASH: I am about to take a BIG risk. I am turning the manuscript of my first novel over to a SMALL (emphasis on "small") publishing company. I have two finished novels, and one more that is half-way finished...and I decided that the reason I write is for someone to READ what I write. (a unique concept - don't you think?) The novels are not getting read by staying in a file on my computer...so I will release them and see if they sprout wings and fly.
I am really out of my comfort zone here. I know NOTHING about marketing a book - but then, I didn't know anything about writing one until I did it. So, I guess it will be flying by the seat of my pants for a while. I'll keep you updated - and let you know when the novel is available to purchase.
Until then - send me all the good vibrations you've got to spare!
NEWS FLASH: I am about to take a BIG risk. I am turning the manuscript of my first novel over to a SMALL (emphasis on "small") publishing company. I have two finished novels, and one more that is half-way finished...and I decided that the reason I write is for someone to READ what I write. (a unique concept - don't you think?) The novels are not getting read by staying in a file on my computer...so I will release them and see if they sprout wings and fly.
I am really out of my comfort zone here. I know NOTHING about marketing a book - but then, I didn't know anything about writing one until I did it. So, I guess it will be flying by the seat of my pants for a while. I'll keep you updated - and let you know when the novel is available to purchase.
Until then - send me all the good vibrations you've got to spare!
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